Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Kudu looses against driver one lucky escape

Photos show a lucky escape for a car driver after driving into an African Antelope the Kudu

A reader wrote: While driving back from Knysna to Cape Town via Oudtshoorn, and about 40km from Oudtshoorn we came across a miracle, right after it happened. The man you see below was really able to ‘Dodge the bullet’.

The driver was proceeding from George towards Oudtshoorn and a KUDU suddenly sprang from the bush (afterwards we were able to find its tracks and the actual launch spot) and jumped right before the car. It was killed on impact.

 The lucky driver above and poor mangled Kudu below

 Not only did it hit his car, it smashed the windscreen, tore a section of the roof away and flew right through the car, blowing open the rear hatch

 The driver ducked instinctively as it happened and was able to avoid most of the carnage. He also held tightly onto the steering wheel, suffering only slight injury to his one hand and a whack to the face from the airbag. When he lifted his head he was on the gravel on the ‘wrong side of the road’ where he was able to stop the car without losing control.

 The KUDU went right through the windscreen, leaving an awful mess on the way. The impact blew the hatchback open as the KUDU left through the back of the car…

 Lucky there were no other passengers or they might have been hurt or covered in crap & guts

 The KUDU left some of his lunch in the boot.

One very lucky driver above

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Friday, February 24, 2012

Drunks sometimes have hearing problems

Yik she said what?

Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”

The other man replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken shit.”

So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?”

Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”

So the man stumbles back to his friend.

“So what did she say?” asks the friend.

The drunk responded after first stuttering, “She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants.”

Huge outcry open coffin pics of Whitney Houston

Is this ethical is it respectful to the dead?

Last week, the National Enquirer had us reeling from a morbid photo shoot in which a model was paid to pose as Whitney Houston's dead body. This week, they take it to a whole new level: The tabloid printed open-coffin images from Whitney Houston's viewing.

The Offending Cover

That's her corpse on the cover. While it is customary, in certain cultures, for family and friends to gather for a final viewing of the dead, this particular image is invasive in that the viewing was not for public consumption. But here it is, at your grocery store checkout.

The publication was certainly not invited to the funeral home in Newark, and must have paid someone for an illicit camera phone picture.

But when it comes to photos of the dead, this is less out-of-the-norm than you might think. The New York Times published an image of Muammar Gaddafi's bloody corpse on the front page in October of last year; after the horrible earthquake in Haiti, photographs of corpses accompanied many news reports, in an attempt to convey the sheer scope of the tragedy.

Whether or not a printing a photo of a corpse is newsworthy — or ethical — is arguable, and there are strong cases for both sides: Images are news. Post-mortem photography has provided closure for the living for over 150 years.

The issue will be at newsstands and checkout lines in grocery stores across the country, where fans may wince, then reach out and spend $3.79 for a glimpse of their beloved star's final moments. Often when faced with news that someone is deceased, our reaction is, "I can't believe it." Funerals and viewings offer a concrete touchstone. Seeing is believing. That said: The context is upsetting (though, to be honest, not terribly surprising), since we can assume that the Houston family did not grant permission for the image to be printed, and someone made a wad of cash from its sale. It's also disturbing because Whitney's "last photo" is in the same issue as a story about Courtney from The Bachelor's "pregnancy drama" and an article titled "Ashton Kutcher Goes Cougar Hunting Again."

Original Post

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Frozen Shit falling from the sky

Residents across Germany are complaining that they’re receiving unwanted gifts falling from the heavens: Giant chunks of frozen Shit and Piss that plummet to the ground after leaking out of passing aeroplanes.

There have been at least three incidents of falling bodily waste in the last few weeks in Bavaria, Baden-W├╝rttemberg and Saxony, according to the daily Bild Zeitung.

Although chunks of ice have been known to fall from aircraft in the past, the string of recent incidents has officials scratching their heads, but thankful that no-one has been hurt so far.

In Rodersdorf, Saxony two weekends ago, an 81 year-old pensioner heard something hitting his roof. Upon further investigation he found 20-centimetre frozen balls in his garden that stank terribly.

And earlier in February a 1.5-kilo chunk of urine crashed into a family’s garden in Niefern, Baden-W├╝rttemberg.

A family in Nuremberg had a similar experience when a 2-kilo piece of ice smashed into its garden.

“I was relaxing in our living room. Suddenly there was a huge bang,” 59-year-old Erika Keil told Bild. “I thought our roof was caving in.”

Investigating officials said the ice is likely falling from leaky aeroplane toilets.

“When an aeroplane’s water tank is not closed, water trickles out, freezes and falls off,” a Nuremberg airport official told Bild.

Falling ice – whether from human waste or ice that builds up on the plane and then drops to earth – is a common phenomenon. Though no-one is known to have been killed by it, there have been injuries.

In 2009, for instance, a British pensioner in Bristol was bruised after a block of ice fell from a plane and hit his thigh.

What can I say "Shit Happens" gives new meaning to be shat on from a dizzy height!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Ed Zachary disease a bum diagnosis

Ed Zachary disease...

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see, an old well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "Ok, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery,reery fass to odder side of room."

Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said,"Ok, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."

So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You
haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied,"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Pool played African style

Who says Africans are not industrious?

These little buggers have set themselves up some kinda pole and dagga table
Kids anywhere given a chance make a plan

African kids thoughts on Angelina

Hilarious LMAO
You can think what you like but you cant always say
what you like however a pic is worth a thousand words

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day Everybody

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity.

He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine".

Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

Over time, February 14 has become the date for exchanging love messages and a celebration of St. Valentine, the patron saint of lovers. The date is marked by sending poems and simple gifts, such as flowers, to loved ones and secret loves. By far, Valentine's Day Flowers are the most popular gift today.

Well that brings us to today oh boy have things changed!

Today its all about how to get that leg over you have been scheming about for so long and oh boy are we men or woman "Don't forget woman are emancipated now" really at our most cunning when we want a little Noomfies.

So all be told and said tonight some of the corniest and most well designed elaborate schemes are going into effect and most are designed to get that special person in your life naked and screaming your name.

You may ask how and why well most cases it involves alcohol and lots of it at that. Then large amounts of chocolate or gifts and flowers that melt the heart and make it impossible to say NO

However you are planning to rock the boat tonight enjoy the experience it is one of those days that swells the heart "amongst other organs" and makes us human, for love in all its guises is the most human and beautiful expressions of mankind, so my friends enjoy this day and do be naughty as that's what this day is all about!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Whitney Houston Dead 1963-2012

A life and talent well squandered - Paul Gambaccini 

Ms Houston died on the eve of the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. She had been due to attend a pre-awards party in the Beverly Hilton Hotel organised by her long-time mentor and record industry executive Clive Davis on Saturday evening.

He went ahead with the party, holding a minute's silence and telling the audience he was "personally devastated by the loss of someone who has meant so much to me for so many years".

Jazz legend Herbie Hancock, who was attending the event, said: "It's difficult not to be sad about it because it's a great loss. Her soul, her spirit, lives within all of us."

The hotel was already teeming with reporters and celebrities when police received an emergency call from hotel security at 15.43 local time (23:43 GMT), Beverly Hills police spokesman Mark Rosen told the BBC.

Police were dispatched, but paramedics who were already at the hotel because of the party attempted to resuscitate her, without success. She was pronounced dead at 15:55.

Mr Rosen said Ms Houston's entourage - comprising family members, friends and co-workers - had taken over much of the fourth floor of the hotel.

"There were a number of people on scene who were able to positively identify Ms Houston for us," he said, adding that her next of kin have been informed of her death.

Police investigators inspected the scene before Ms Houston's body was moved from the hotel to the coroner's office for an autopsy.

While the cause of death is unclear, Mr Rosen said there were "no obvious signs of criminal intent".

An autopsy is likely to be held within the next two days. However, if drugs or alcohol are involved, it will take between six and eight weeks for toxicology tests to be completed.

The US celebrity website reported that Ms Houston had been partying heavily on both Thursday and Friday nights.

I think we will choose to remember the good times the rich powerful voice and the beautiful movies like the bodyguard and others. Another example of how money and power can destroy how drugs and alchoal pull you down into depravity and sadness. We can only pray that you find peace now Whitney........ "We will always love you"

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Antwoord what they all about take a look!!

Well now take a look at this video and find out!

STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE'S PIEL from Die Antwoord on Vimeo.

If you South African you will shake your head and laugh and if you from anywhere else you going to say WTF but ether way being Zef or just plain disturbed makes money

A short love story involving a short marriage

Short But Classic Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, But who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. 

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over
sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke
the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you,
but would you be willing to reach into the closet
to get me a second blanket?  I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight,
let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"'Good", she replied "Get your own blanket."

After a moment of silence,

he farted.

The End

Jonathan Jansen speaks passionately about education in South Africa

The bones of the teachers lie buried less than 100m from the school in a hot, dry corner of the northern Free State. But inside the half-renovated school there is an energy among the living nuns that belies their age and vocation.

A young girl appears at the door of the basic staff room where we are about to start a short meeting; the child is out of breath and excited, but does not say a word.

The old nun leaps from her seat, grabs the girl's hand, crouches slightly and she sets her sights on the distance, and together they sprint along the brightly polished corridor to where the child wants them to go.

More than 100 years ago, the sisters of Notre Dame made their way from England to this bleak part of central South Africa to minister and later start a school out of which was born St Peter Claver High School.

Here, the children of railway workers and the offspring of destitute parents could receive high-quality education from dedicated teachers, who earned little, if anything, as part of their sacrificial commitments.

The school survived the vicissitudes of 20th century South Africa, closing and reopening, and withstanding the apartheid legacy. The site was once handed over to the South African military for training defence force personnel, and reopened again recently.

The nuns came to teach, grew old, and many were buried where they served.
You can literally smell a good school. The fresh paint of the walls, the red polish on the floors, the fresh curtains in the main hall, the neat carpets on the stage, and the immaculately dressed boys and girls.

Coming to the school last week for their reopening, I took a wrong turn into the town with the largest potholes in South Africa.

I saw children from other schools already drifting through town before 11am.
They looked ragged, aimless, and without any identification, other than various kinds of bags to suggest they might have had school that day. I wave to some of the children, and they return faint smiles in my direction. There's not much to be happy about on this side of town.

"It is not fair," I say to myself.
How can one group of disadvantaged children in a half-renovated school receive such warm attention and strict pedagogy under the guidance of a group of selfless teachers and yet, less than five minutes away, another group of disadvantaged children are under-served and neglected?

The difference, of course, is not money but values.
At St Peter Claver High you notice two firm values quickly: love and discipline. I notice the way the principal and the teachers talk about the children, how they hold their hands and lift their spirits.

The children are not only loved, they are respected. But I also notice the unwritten rules for behaviour, the ways in which soft discipline is everywhere - from basic but clean, ironed clothing to neat seating patterns, to carefully crafted singing routines. Nothing is out of place. "This is the way, walk ye in it" - the old scriptures come to mind.

My mind wonders as I await my turn to speak.
What if one could capture those two values of love and discipline in a bottle and transport it across the main road into Maokeng township where the other schools are?

What if the selflessness of the nuns could be injected into teachers from the other schools who would, at the slightest provocation, abandon their duty - the children - in a quest for better salaries?

Of course, educational change is much more complex than my questions allow. But what St Peter Claver reminds you of is that the children on both sides of town are the same children - black, poor, and filled with limitless potential.

How they learn and behave depends on what we as adults do.
How often do I hear teachers try to mislead with these words, "It is much more difficult to teach today than when you were a teacher", or "If only the parents would play more of a role", and so on and so on.

Actually, the children are the same from one generation to the next. They respond the same way as children anywhere when faced with those compelling values of love and discipline.

The mind tests me with one more question. What if I could persuade the teachers in the other schools to also agree to be buried where they taught?
Jonathan is so correct about education in South Africa it has become a job for many and not a calling as in the old days. In my day "giving away age here" teachers were respected and had the same esteem or standing as Doctors in society. How did we go so far wrong that teachers strike every year and abandon children for higher wages? 
How did we get to the point where most teachers cant pass the self same exams that are given to their pupils?

It is our stupid education system and self serving unions with its ever lower standards it is the praising of mediocrity in South Africa that is killing the future of our nation and children!
Original Post

Friday, February 3, 2012

A beautiful woman and a bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter  to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman  sitting alone at a table in a cozy little  restaurant.
So the waiter took the  Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who  is seated over there'..... And indicated the sender with a nod  of his head.
She stared at the  wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then  decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was  lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and  conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note  read: 'For me to accept  this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a  million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your  pants'.
After reading the  note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He  folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to  deliver it to the lady.
It read:  'Just to let you  know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a  Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo  in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and  Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana .
There is over  twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But,  not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off  three inches. Just send the wine back......

Men's helpline letter of the month

Hi John,
I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs:
if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.

I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someones car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

Such sensitivity is really witnessed in the male species a stark reminder of the fact that men have feelings